Winter in the southern hemisphere has been a slow one and the awakening of spring is promising much. Every year I set myself pretty achievable goals and often ones that make my hair stand up in fear.
As a writer and speaker, I often find myself encouraging women to take the time to articulate their life goals and to find ways to slowly, but surely tick them off across their years.
I have a secret, however, there has been a goal that I have set myself for the last ten years, and every single year I fail. The life intention I have set myself is about my health.
These words pretty much figure every year in my New Years Vision Goals Document.
This year I want to lose weight.
My whole life, I have had a love and hate relationship with my body. I grew up on diets from a very young age and an eating disorder that plagued my teen years. I was desperate to become a ballet dancer and the culture of my passion was alluring.
Over the last few years and my step this year into spring, I have started to see a light at the end of my dieting tunnel. You see, even though “losing weight” has been on my list of intentions the last few years, I have refused to put myself on another diet.
And that is why this spring has been so very encouraging. Instead of putting myself on a strict regime, I am working on changing my relationship with food and working on the shaming that has been deep within my soul for years.
I have been working on being curious. Asking myself questions like:
Are you really hungry or just bored?
Why are you wanting to binge eat right now, is there something suppressed underneath?
What about drinking water and then if you’re still hungry then go for it?
Curiosity in the way I notice what foods really don’t make me feel well. Intriguing ones like onions. I cook all the time with onions, but I think my body is onion adverse. Yet, I know a good curry needs a dose of onions. Curiosity has allowed me to listen to my body and make little changes accordingly.
So rather than cutting out whole food groups and shaming myself in the process, I am learning what makes my body feel strong and also what makes me feel pain.
I am learning that ignoring the pain and warnings that my body gives me is often the reason why I hold onto weight that slows me down.
I have thrown away my scales. I have declared a ‘no diet ever again rule. And I am learning with curiosity what makes my body feel alive.
“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
I know life goals of late have gotten a bad reputation, but there is something profoundly motivating about focusing ourselves towards the future.
The lesson I am learning in my forties, however, is to be more curious about my “why” of the goals I am setting, rather than the actual accomplishment of them.
If you are like me and have written the same goal down for the last decade, maybe there is a new way that you can access the emotions attached to this goal. Maybe this could be your curious Fall or Spring.
Maybe, just maybe, this could be your finale year!
What’s one goal you’re curiously working towards? Share below in the comments.