How Are You?

I am doing well.
Not the same as usual,
It’s different this time.

This well looks like
Counselling sessions,
Tissues,
Tears on the couch.
Like calling a friend
Since no one is there.

Like taking adventures
Despite exhaustion,
Or painting childlike scenes
To find playtime.

This well looks like
Spending too much time
Scrolling through feeds
Wondering why
They’re there
And I’m not.

It looks like depression.
It looks like anxiety.

Like uncontrollable tears and
Hiding in tight spaces
To feel
Covered, enclosed,
Hidden, small.

Like vocalizing weakness,
A need for help.
Digging up pieces of my past
That I was convinced were
Gone,
Forgotten,
Even nonexistent.

This well looks like
Recognizing anger and hurt,
Allowing them to move from
Simply negative emotions to
Ones natural
To the human experience.

Because that, ultimately,
Is what wellness is:
It is being a
Whole human,
Not defined by
Her happiness,
Smile, or
Ability to consistently
Have it all together.

Not defined by
Her ideal self.

In this season,
I am well.
Because in this season,
For the first time in a lifetime,
I am whole.

– image by Brooke Cagle