Relationships

The Gray Area

The Gray Area | thefreewoman.com

The pre-cursor to a dating relationship, as many of us have experienced: the “talking” stage. The in-between. Purgatory, if you will.

So, what is one to do when the gray area stays gray for too long? When the excited butterflies in your stomach become something verging on nausea, and glancing at your phone too often puts you at risk for whiplash. Nobody likes to have their thoughts consumed, especially consumed with wondering.

Although others might deem you as a couple, you feel the need to clarify to the world, “He’s not… we’re not… We aren’t into labels.” But what if you want to clarify? What if you reach a breaking point where you need more clarity in your relationship?  In the past, as much as I wanted to be cool, calm and collected, the ambiguous, non-committal relationship drove me up a wall. Nothing about the chase was desirable to me anymore. I wanted answers, and every time I tried to get them, I came out empty handed and discouraged.

Until one day I became fed up with the wondering; until the notion that I deserved more dawned on me. My best friend once told me I deserve to be pursued relentlessly. “Well, that sounds absolutely terrifying,” I thought.  The word pursued gets tossed around a lot, especially in the church community. It used to send me running because I equated it with extreme clinginess and a loss of my own independence.

In reality, being pursued by someone really just means that there is no room for a gray area.

There is no room for unanswered questions.

There is no room for secret guilt inducing hook ups.

“Netflix and chill?” No room for it. But, I digress.

I do not believe we should ever minimize or tiptoe around our needs, or feel ashamed to express them. Someone who truly cares about you will not try to stifle or wave off your insecurities. They will sit down and work through them with you.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions, set boundaries, divulge expectations. As Jennifer Lawrence puts it best: “I’m over trying to find the ‘adorable’ way to state my opinion and still be likable!”

Honest will always look better on you than adorable ever will.

Dear heart, respect yourself enough to walk away from a gray area that inhibits you from living a full and impassioned life. When the right person comes along, you’ll be grateful you didn’t settle for anything less.

– image credit: Death to the Stock Photo

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